One Last Christmas.....

I know I complain a lot about some of Home.FM's Christmas song choices..  They will hit you with some classics from Brenda Lee, Perry Como, and Bing Crosby.  Then, they'll throw a song at you that makes you want to jerk the steering wheel toward the nearest tree.  They'll play something like Christmas Shoes or Dear, Mr. Jesus, or a new one for me this year..  One Last Christmas...   The first time I heard this song was the first day I decided to give up and finally turn the Christmas music on for the season..  I immediately was angry, but as I listened to the song I found myself not being able to turn to a different station...  And by the end of the song I'm driving with tears in my eyes and wanting to drive off a bridge.  But only because I don't do well with sad things which is why I don't watch sad movies..  People who watch sad movies intentionally knowing they're going to cry are emotional masochists :)
Now, I listened to the song once and vowed to never let it play again.  Let me give you the background of the song.  It's about a little boy who's dying and his family finds out that he most likely won't make it to Christmas.  So around September his family decorates the house and yard for Christmas.. The town they live in, catching wind of this follows suit and soon the whole town is decorated for this little boy.  That alone is truly gutting.  If you're a parent, you can't even imagine the pain and suffering that would come from losing a child, let alone a small child.  And I know some of you out there have and how you have managed to function beyond that day is truly amazing and that God does take care of us.  I would need to lean on Him a lot if that were me..   I once had a cousin who lost 3 children in a housefire.  They were 13, 11 and 4 I believe.  It was the summer of 1988.
They were staying with their grandparents and a fire broke out during the night.  Everyone made it out ok they thought at first.  But they noticed the 4 year old wasn't with them.  So the 13 and 11 yr old along with the grandpa went back in to get him.  The three kids never made it back out.  The grandpa was pulled out later and died a short time after.   But could you imagine??  Could you imagine the searing pain and sense of emptiness and loss you would feel upon receiving that news?  I don't know how I could possibly go on.  I know that is were God would come in and carry you and bring you peace.  But, I don't know if I could let Him honestly.  And I never want to find out...    Just like that you go from have a family of 5 to a family of 2... You have to say goodbye to your children...  And then find it in you somewhere to pick up and move on??  How??

I can honestly say as a parent that I can speak on behalf of all parents everywhere when I say that I would give my life for my children without hesitation.  If the time and place called for it I would willingly lay my life down so that theirs could go on.  It's just what you do..  I love my kids more than anything and just the thought of losing them brings me to tears and creates this hurt in my chest like someone hit me with a sledgehammer and that's just trying to imagine it ever happening.  The real thing has to be 500 times worse..

Back to my story...  So I vowed to never let that song play.  But it haunted me..  I found myself singing verses of it and hating myself for it.  To the point that last night I sat down here at the computer and researched the song.  I found out who it was about and the details of his life.   And I'll share it with you now.
Here is a brief summary:


Dax Ryan Locke was born to Austin and Julie Locke on June 26th, 2007. At the age of 13 months Dax was diagnosed with AML M7 Leukemia. He was life-flighted to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital where he underwent two bone marrow transplants. Both of his parents were able to give their bone marrow to him. Since his disease was so rare Dax's treatments were not certain. Dax lost his battle with cancer at the age of 2. The doctors told us they didn't think he would live till Christmas. Dax passed away on December 30th 2009. During his short life Dax touched many hearts. The town of Washington, Illinois put up their Christmas lights early for Dax and many other people around the world joined in
In reading about Dax, I learned that only 15 cases of AML M7 Luekemia are diagnosed each year.  Making a very rare form of Luekemia.  But in watching videos of Dax and reading his story. You would've never known he was sick..   He was truly an amazing little boy who touched the life of millions.   For those of you who may not have heard the song "One Last Christmas" before, here is a link for you to check it out.  And I suggest you watch this one as it's the actual video for the song and has a lot of info on Dax in it and footage of him.


One Last Christmas Video

I couldn't imagine....  I watched this last night and came away a complete mess.   I went upstairs and into the room of my 2 yr old twins and covered them up and just stood there and watched them sleeping and couldn't imagine going through that with them.   I mean, did Dax know he was sick?  Did he know he was dying?  Is it something we as adults make harder on ourselves because we over think it?   I don't know...
There was also a video of some of his funeral that I watched as well and listened to the songs being played and marveled at how the response to Dax was so huge that they had to turn people away and broadcast it via the internet for those around the world that he touched.  His little white casket with colorful handprints all over looked so bright and happy in a place and situation that was anything but..  He lay there in a blue shirt, his little hands folded on top of each other and people by the hundreds came by, touching him, touching the casket, it looked as if some slipped notes or something into the casket.  It was so horrible and so touching at the same time.  I watched not out of sick fascination but because in the hour or so I read on Dax and his story I became attached and emotionally invested in the story and wanted to learn and see as much about him as I could.   Maybe that's my parental way of seeing things from start to finish,  my way of gaining some insight and closure to this song and making it make sense.  I don't know...    I don't usually have stories grab me like this and not let go.

He was a special little boy.   And makes me realize how lucky I am with my three boys.  It makes me look at them in an entirely different way.  In honor of Dax they have started his own foundation to help raise money for St. Jude and the the families of St. Jude. It's named, "Cherish Every Moment-The Dax Locke Foundation". So far Dax has raised almost a quarter of million dollars!  There is a page where you can buy Christmas tree ornaments, wrist bands, t shirts, and key chains with Dax's name on them and the phrase "Cherish Every Moment".


Hug your kids,  hug them every chance you get..  I hope this wasn't too depressing but I felt compelled to share Dax's story here and maybe by sharing it with everyone make it make a little more sense to me.

Until next time...  Be well and hug your kids,

Rob

Everyday I'm Shufflin'.....

Hey all!
Sorry for the delay between last blog and now...  But sometimes life gets in the way.   Hope everyone is well and that you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving!!!   Mine was spent with my mom's side of the family at my parents house.  It was good to see everyone and there was  ALOT of eating done that day...  I hurt myself pretty good..

Also that day was the 2nd birthday of our twins Josh an Jonah..   I still have those "holy crap" moments where for whatever reason I've forgotten the fact I have twins and then I remember it..  And for that brief moment there's that feeling like your world is slightly off centered and you quickly come back to reality and realize that yes, you do in fact have identical twin boys...   And they're little tanks too...  I was a skinny little kid in my opinion I didn't really fill out until probably between my freshman and sophomore year in High School.  In 9th grade I was 5'5" by the time I graduated I was 6'0" and about 215lbs.  Caleb is built like his mom, he's tall and very thin.  The boys on the other hand.  They're tall, and they're solid.  Caleb just recently broke the 50lb barrier.. The boys easily have to weigh 30lbs or better already.  I have a feeling they're going to be built like me.  They fear nothing, and that scares me to no end.  They will not think twice to climb something, jump off something, or jump from one thing to another.

But let me share with you the story of how we found out we were having twins...
I can't remember at exactly what point we were in the pregnancy but it was somewhere between a 1/4 and 1/2 way.  Jill was having some problems and decided we should go to the hospital to make sure everything was ok.  So we get there.  They check her out and the Dr. orders an ultra sound to make sure the baby is ok.  I say baby because at this point we thought we were only having one.  Well, I thought we were only having one.. She apparently had a feeling there might be more than one.   So, we get into the room, the lady puts the goop on her belly and starts the ultra sound.   I'm standing next to Jill watching the screen and I see what I thought was two round objects.  But not being a doctor or anything I pass it off as just the baby's head.   The lady doing the ultra sound says " So, this is your first ultra sound?"  We say yes.  Then she goes "And you're aware already you're having twins?"   Whoa whoa whoa whoa....  Back up the trolley Mr.Rogers...  NO ONE said ANYTHING about twins...   I immediately just go "what?" And that's where I was finished for the night.  From that point I turned into Raymond from Rain Man..   "Yeah, only supposed to be one baby.. Definitely definitely just one baby..."     I have never had a physical reaction to news before until this night...  I've heard of people passing out at news received but that night I came sooo close.  I got very dizzy and lightheaded, I couldn't speak well, I was at a complete loss.  And I had to sit down...  I just remember saying over and over.  "But there's supposed to be just one, not two, just one, how can there be two when there is only supposed to be one?"   And I couldn't get my mind to wrap around the fact that there were two babies in there...  Then we found out they were boys.  It took me I would say a good 5 minutes or so before I really got my bearings back.  Then I immediately sent a text to my cousin Dan who was working at that hospital and had him come down to share the news and so we could have a witness because we knew no one would believe us.  So he came down and he saw the pictures and after sharing congrats went back to work.  We were sent back to our room.  Where we decided then and there it would be fun to call people and tell them what we ourselves had just found out.  We called my grandparents, my grams laughed and offered us congrats, my gramps just laughed at me as only he would.  Then we call my parents and my mom wouldn't believe me..   She finally put my dad on the phone and I told him and he just started laughing and going "oh man".  Come to find out a few days later my mom still didn't believe me and my cousin had to explain to her that he was there and it was in fact true.

And here we are 2 years later...  The first 6-8 months I couldn't tell them apart..  I felt like the world's worst parent.  But as they grew I could see subtle differences and now they have their own little personalities and quirks.  Financially it's a strain as you can imagine.  With a baby it's one thing, but then by double everything..  But I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world..  Well, maybe to become the starting 3rd baseman for the Tigers...  Nah...  They're so much fun, they're so frustrating, they make me angry, they make me laugh, sometimes within moments of each other leaving me feeling like some bi-polar bear who needs a padded room.  So, Happy 2nd Birthday Josh and Jonah!!  Daddy loves you both very much!!!


While we're on the topic of birthdays I too celebrated a birthday.  6 days after the twins turned 2, I turned....... 25.    What?  You don't think I could pass as 25???  Yeah, me neither...  34...  I turned 34 on November 30th..  You can still send presents/money if you feel it in your hearts to do so :-)    I've had a few people ask if I feel older?  I'm not entirely sure what that is supposed to mean but I answer no.  I know that 34 is generally the age in which you start wearing depends, start yelling at kids to keep off your lawn, and watch Lawrence Welk and head for bed by 7:30pm.   But anyone who knows me knows that I have never and will never act my age.  Whether that is a good or bad thing you'll have to ask Jill.  I like having fun too much.  I don't like being serious.  No use in taking life so seriously, no one gets out of it alive anyway right?  Yes, I can be serious when the time and place requires it.  But aside from that, I would rather make people laugh, I would rather make myself laugh, and I would like to just have a good time.  Whether it's wrestling around with the kids, getting down on the floor with them, chasing them through the house, making faces/noises with them, just being fun.  Or something as simple as sitting and watching tv and just doing a running commentary to make her laugh.  I dunno, I just don't see a point in being grumpy as you get older.  You're only as old as you feel.  I still play ball..  Yes, I do feel it a bit more now the next day.  But it's not going to stop me.   The late great Satchel Paige once said Age is a question of mind over matter.  If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.  That is a perfect quote to describe how I feel about my age.  I may be 34.  My body from all the wear and tear may be older.  But my mind is still about 19-20 and that's how I feel.

Anyway, just a quick rundown of what I've been up to lately.  I have some topics I'll be blogging on here in the next few days so stay tuned!!    Until then, be well!


Rob